The world is full of opportunities for improvements. It will be essential for future generations to create new inventions and solve complex problems. Being able to do that requires a key skill we sometimes don’t immediately prioritize when it comes to problem solving. That skill is empathy.
We often think of empathy in the sense of kindness or understanding, which, to be sure, is important. But beyond the interpersonal benefits, empathy has the power to develop real solutions. It enables people to step outside their own worlds, to appreciate someone else’s experience—and try to improve it.
As David Kelley and Tom Kelley put it in their book, Creative Confidence, “there is nothing like observing the person you’re creating something for to spark new insights. And when you specifically set out to empathize with your end user, you get your own ego out of the way. Figuring out what other people actually need is what leads to the most significant innovations.”
Why do changemakers need empathy?
- To close the gap between assumptions and reality. We all make assumptions about the way the world works, largely based on our own experiences, needs and values. But we can’t make real changes without understanding the real problem, by setting aside what we think to be true and learning what is actually true. The Kelleys offer a simple example of this from their work at IDEO helping a company called Zyliss design a new ice cream scoop. Instead of just assuming that people would want a more powerful scooping mechanism or a more ergonomic handle, they actually observed people scooping ice cream. What they found was that folks dug hard to get the last bit out of the container and licked the scoop before putting it in the sink. So IDEO made sure that the scoop was easy on the tongue for licking. Empathy helped them deliver a solution that gave ice cream eaters what they really wanted, not just what one group of people assumed they did—a practice whose value extends far beyond frozen desserts.
- To broaden their perspective. An important lesson for all of us, and for kids in particular, is that not everyone thinks the same thing or sees the world in the same way. We all have something to learn from other people, especially if we’re trying to solve a problem together. Aspiring changemakers have to truly listen to other people, understanding that we all speak differently, come from different environments and are shaped by different experiences. When the bank, PNC Financial, was trying to attract more GenY customers, instead of simply changing their marketing approach, they interviewed young adults and created an online banking solution that addressed this demographic’s fundamental problem, overdrawn accounts.
- To innovate inclusively. Even when approaching a problem with the very best of intentions, entrenched biases and power dynamics can creep in to perpetuate patterns of inequality. The Liberatory Design approach, a collaboration between the National Equity Project and the Stanford d.school, seeks to expand people’s consciousness in this area, asking that changemakers seek to understand others and invite them into the design process from the beginning. Diverse teams that work to understand each other and grapple with where they see things differently are the ones that will uncover real solutions.
- To innovate collaboratively. Start Empathy sums up the world-changing power of empathy this way: “Today’s complex challenges cannot be solved by one person or one organization. Empathy motivates us to build something better together and helps us do so with imagination and respect—guided by a deep understanding for the people and the world around us.”
Empathy fundamentals for kids
Imagine all the brilliant and effective innovations that would result if all adults approached problem solving by truly understanding the needs of the people we’re serving (and ideally bringing those people to the table) before creating a solution. You can start by reinforcing the empathy fundamentals with your kids. Namely to:
- Listen to other people’s ideas
- Be patient with other points of view
- Incorporate and build on other people’s ideas
- Build relationships across difference
Apart from just saying these things outright to your kids, there are plenty of opportunities to practice. Here are a few scenarios to illustrate how you might do this. Let’s say . . .
- Your child wants to make a gift for a friend/family member
- You’re going to renovate or redecorate a room in your house
- Your child is working on a school project with a peer
- Your child wants to do charitable work for a person or organization in need
Try these strategies from Creative Confidence:
- Show me: This is great exercise when you’re making something new (or changing something existing) that someone is going to use. If you’re redecorating a room, for example, take some time before moving furniture or buying new decor to ask the people who are going to use it—family members, neighbors, friends—and to show you what they do in the space. Have them walk around in it, sit down, turn on lights, etc. Take notes on what they really do, rather than assuming what they might do, to help you plan your design.
- Think aloud: This pairs well with the “show me” technique above, and simply involves having your users narrate what they’re doing and what they’re thinking about as they do it to help you better understand their motivations and reasoning. Then make your project more inclusive by inviting those users to help with the final design.
- Draw it: Good for a school project with a peer, this method involves each kid asking the other to visualize their final product through a drawing. The drawings can be simple, but can help reveal how each one thinks about the project they’re embarking on, clarifying points of difference from the start and helping to prioritize their activities.
- Five Whys: This works well for creating something that addresses a person’s true needs, like a gift or a charitable effort. If your child wants to do something to give back, for example, have them ask themselves about a problem they want to help solve, followed by a series of whys in response to each answer. This encourages them to examine and express underlying reasons or causes to get to the real thing they want to solve. One kid-changemaker (and Galileo camper) we know named Justin had a concern about the planet’s dwindling frog population, then asked “why,” found that their extinction was linked to habitat destruction, asked “why” again to find that a big part of that destruction was plastic waste and now works to clean up plastic waste in Cameroon, a considerable problem there, by transforming plastic trash into reusable treasure.
Make empathy part of your family’s regular conversation
Make empathy an ongoing part of your daily life with a few simple activities to help the whole family practice (with thanks to Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project for the first five):
- Hold family meetings. Hold a family meeting whenever you’re dealing with a challenge or conflict, using it as an opportunity for everyone to practice both giving and receiving empathy. When you meet, give your kids a voice and listen carefully to their views, while also encouraging them to take the perspective of other family members.
- Encourage empathy for peers. Ask kids about their classmates and other peers. If they’re experiencing a conflict with someone, ask them to tell you about their own perspective, and to consider where their friend/classmate is coming from. What circumstances or perspectives might help explain the conflict from the other person’s point of view?
- Reflect on empathy and caring. When you’re together, comment when someone exhibits strong empathy—or shows a lack of empathy—either in your daily life or in a book or on television. Discuss why acts of empathy are important and why lacking empathy can be harmful.
- Discuss ethical dilemmas. Where appropriate, talk through ethical dilemmas with your kids that help them appreciate various perspectives, for example, “Should I invite a new friend to my birthday party even though she won’t know anyone else?”
- Support doing with. Encourage your kids not just to “do for” others, but to “do with” others, working with diverse groups of people to respond to school, community or global problems.
- Try a one-month empathy challenge. Try the Changemaker Families 1-Month Challenge, with suggestions for specific things to say, do and try each week of the month (and why) to strengthen your family’s empathy skills.
Being empathetic isn’t always easy, but it’s essential. Whether you want to make a small change like a better ice cream scoop, or a big change like a better world, you have to be able to see things through someone else’s eyes.
